A Peek into Past

Raeyshmanita Ramesh Kumaar, a MBS student at RYI from Malaysia

Not long ago, I was this girl who was sitting in front a mirror, wondering if she is any good to live a life in the red, distant from a demanding lifestyle, amidst peace and joy, radiating non-referential love and compassion. Today, the mirror replied: “There you go girl. You made it!” 

Having tasted life as an ordinary samsaric wanderer, now, I live as a renunciate, without an overwhelming desire to drown into conventional pleasures again. However, I won’t deny that sometimes my heart does wish for the fleeting worldly happiness, and it hurts when I realize that I am never getting it. Nevertheless, I think that’s okay because it’s a habitual tendency. We have been wandering in samsara for a very long time, accumulated a great deal of habits. Therefore, transformation can be pretty painful and challenging thing but without pain there will not be quest for freedom from pain, right?  

We often hear that liberation from suffering is to see things as it is. Now, I see nothing as it is but, I am continuously nurtured to know that nothing is as it appears to be. Santideva once said, “There is nothing whatsoever that does not grow easier with practice.” So, keeping this in mind, I aspire to persevere throughout the path. Now, a quick rewind to the day I embraced the nun-hood.  

August 3rd, 2022 — The day when all auspicious causes and conditions ripened to fulfil my long-waited dream to become ordained. The wait was never easy but definitely worthwhile. The moment I felt the cold air around Asura Cave capped my bare head, there was a sense of relief from some sort of attachment. I knew that I couldn’t be more right for making this decision. I once read in “The Letter to a Disciple” that the path followed and taught by the Buddha in order to guide the world is within the reach of human beings with strength of heart, which cannot be attained even by the celestial beings like gods, nagas, asuras, etc. And being part of those courageous humans is fortunate indeed. Thus, I will always cherish this life as a nun and aspire to be of benefit to others!